Today is the first and only time I’ve ever felt like giving up on my dream once and for all. All I ever want to do with football CFB and as a person in life is help others and promote positivity. Football is my life and promoting #FootballForGood is what I love doing more than most things in life. My platform is a space for anyone involved within the game to talk about their experiences without worrying about being pigeonholed into a headline.
Today many see my actions in relation to helping out in my local community as selfish, self centred and an attempt at stealing a job. Anyone who knows me can testify that isn’t me and I would never wilfully intend to cause harm to others.
I started CFB as its my dream to work in football because it’s the game I’ve loved all my life and always will love. Whether the game is a Champions League final, a Lowland League title decider, a local boys club teams dead rubber fixture or a junior game I’ll be watching and I’ll be passionately wanting to see the best game possible.
The feedback so far from players, managers, fans, agents and followers has been absolutely incredible and you have no idea how much it means to me.
I have a very thick skin contrary to what you might think however there are certain sections of social media and the online community who never stop to think about the power of their words. Never stop to think about the mental well-being of others. To them it’s just banter, a charade, an expression of view behind an anonymous name. To those impacted it’s detrimentally mentally, it’s draining, it sends anxious thoughts into your mind that disturb you. Always the first to comment without knowing the full facts or intentions behind any given situation.
I don’t ask to be liked, I don’t ask to be followed, I don’t ask to even be tolerated in any great way, all I ask is to be respected. Mentally, I’ve had my ups and downs. I still struggle from time to time and on days like this I feel like the worst human being in the world. Utterly worthless and pointless if the truth be told.
For me, when you are asked a question about helping out in life, the automatic answer is to say yes. To see the good in an opportunity to help rather than the cynicism is what I’ve always done – always been guilty of doing you might throw back at me. Upon reflection, I can understand an element of that cynicism but I can assure you that anything I do in life is for the right reasons.
That’s not me claiming to be perfect or a saint. I am not. I’ve made mistakes – lots of them – and I’ll continue to make mistakes because I’m a human being. This year we witnessed the horribly sad passing of Caroline Flack. A woman who made mistakes like all of us have, a woman vilified without the chance to speak and tell her side of the story. A woman who decided the only way to deal with the pressure was to take her own life.
This started the #BeKind movement. Sadly, that movement lasted nothing more than a nanosecond as has been shown since and most recently when Prime Minister Boris Johnson was taken into intensive care. Let me be clear, I do not support Mr Johnson’s politics or his party – never have and never will – however on a human level I wish him, his pregnant partner Carrie and family my thoughts and prayers as I wish him well in making a full receiver from his illness. Common human decency should always prevail.
So please, rather than always seeing life in the cynical, cancel culture point of view try and be kind. You have no idea the weight that your words carry.
Life is wonderful, it’s full of joy, humour, more than a few idiosyncrasies and long way that continue. I love my girlfriend Mary-Ann, my friends, my family, my football teams, my associates charities, running CFB and life itself dearly. Please be kind and please try and see the good in what people are trying to achieve.
Stay safe, stay positive, look after one another and God bless the NHS staff, the cleaners, the delivery drives and everyone else working to ensure society can function. Those people are the real heroes in life and they deserve all the recognition in the world. Take care and be kind.